Squirrels Attack

going NUTTY

going NUTTY

Emily Rose Wieman, Editor

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Do you ever look at a squirrel and think, “Man that thing is up to something.” That is a common feeling here a Lipscomb Academy because something is physically wrong with the squirrels. They should not be that large. It can’t be natural.

Sometimes as we begin to talk about squirrels I am reminded of the time that my brother stole a squirrel’s nut, and it, in retaliation, charged at lightening speed towards my brother’s face. Needless to say there is some bad blood there.

I personally believe that Lipscomb is doing some genetic testing on them and then releasing them into the wild. They look like freaks from The Island of Doctor Moreau.  We, the students at Lipscomb Academy, ask that they cease their research and free us from this life of fear that the squirrels will one day know how powerful they are and take over our school. Free us Lipscomb!

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